//~a rose on my coffin door_____++*

I'm Back

2005-08-02T22:44:00.000-07:00

i'm back, people! so here's the summary of the past 4 months.

operation was extremely painful. had 9 pins on my tiny right leg. then in april, doc took out 2 pins. now it's left with 7. gonna remove 4 pins in late august, before removing the rest. how troublesome. but it's for the best, i don't mind then.

here, in this particular entry, i would like to thank those few people who had visited me while i was hospitalised. god bless you all. haha, suddenly turn religious seh. no no, i'm still the same Fariza whom lotsa people hates. but who cares about them.

the op actually made me a better person. thought me how to be patient and realise who are really true friends; who would really love you unconditionally. you know, now me and bro are in talking terms again. though it was real hard, lotsa tears had been wasted, i know that somehow there's good out of it. helped me battle my stupid depression.

depression is a fucking killer. depression can be put to good use,if you really look deep into your life. don't let it eat you whole, instead, you should be the one killing it. don't expect drugs to help you through or don't even bother waiting for people to come and rescue you.

YOU should be the one rescuing yourself, if you really wanna get well.
take it from someone who once hated herself because she easily defeats herself by others' words. take it from someone who once attempted suicide. take it from someone who used to cut herself every hour of the day. take it from someone who's self-indulgent, who's too afraid to live her life.

i do not need anyone else to love me.

i just need ME.

soon,i'll be no more

2005-03-13T08:29:00.000-08:00

greetings, fellow fallen disciples of faggoty world. haha! i think this will be the last time i'll be blogging before i'm off for my operation.
anyhows, i went out with mom&dad today. dad wanted to treat me a cd. haha! how nice. so i got myself Nightwish's Once. not too bad. mom bought her BeeGees hahaha! and dad got Deep Purple's greatest hits. haha! now he's playing it on the stereo and singing along to it, pretending like he's some kinda rockstar. haha! dad dad.. -shakeshead-
umm.. what else.. i will miss everyone. all my members whom i always hang out with... Deepan&Aini... Iqah... Aisyah (i will miss talking cock with you) and of cos the members of FM. especially Azizi.. he always accompany me everywhere and he wouldn't even complain one bit. he would even take a pic of "ahem" just for me. that's nice of him right?
okay.. i will be gone tomorrow afternoon, i guess. COME VISIT ME ON WEDNESDAY OR SO cos my operation will be on tuesday. don't be such a blur cock and come on tuesday cos you will only find my teddy and jack on my bed, or worse, me sleeping with white liquid oozing out of my mouth. hahahaha! k gross. yeah, to those people who claimed to care so much about me, YOU ASSHOLES BETTER GET YOUR ASS AT TTSH OR I'LL SEVERE OUR FRIENDSHIP!!!! muahahahhaha! evil sak squee. =P alright, imma play Nymphetamine for the last time (i talk as if i'm about to die seh) before hitting the sack. i don't know how i'll survive without computer for a week. ishhh! wish me luck, dollies. NITES!!!! <3

H.x.c for life!

2005-03-12T07:19:00.000-08:00

greetings everyone!!! so long never update. sorry about that. kk.. here's a quick summary about today.
met my godsis Mira at Dhoby Ghaut. then off to Plaza Singapura to catch Boogeyman. haha kiddy-like title! man, the queue was fuckin long, but it's fast, so it wasn't that bad. we got the tickets and hell, it was a fullhouse one, man! umm.. the movie was quite alright. better than Hide&Seek, though i wouldn't say it was an awesome show. it was okay, i guess. we ended up laughing instead of screaming. that's typical of me when watching horror movies. hahaha!
then off to meet JY and Azizi at orchard mrt. from there, we walked to Far East. yeah, the usual place alright. Azizi checked out some shirts at Cheeks. oh, JY bought Motley Crue shirt at penin before meeting me and Mira. umm.. then we went to my utmost favourite shop, which is INOKII. hahaha! saw Deepan and Aini. eh ya.. i bought a metalcore dvd. err what else eh? oh.. went to my other favourite shop, 2001. bought Most Precious Blood shirt. heh i love to shop. after that, we lepak outside Far East for awhile. they smoked, me and Mira took some pictures.. of cos.. take a pic of FM's trademark.. EYELESS. haha!
talked to Deepz and Aini awhile, before we head to the train station. took the train towards marina bay, just so we could sit haha! got 2 guys sat beside me and Mira. one of them is skinhead, i happened to know him cos i saw him at the Back2DaRoots gig. he remembered me seh. haha! Mira smacked that skinhead's friend in the chest cos he was so irritating haha! adek garang seh.. =P umm.. i guess that's all that's interesting to share. oh, im going off for operation on monday. will bring my new doll, Jack (nightmare before xmas) along. that doll was given by Mira. thanks dearest! kk.. im tired. wanna sleep. goodnight!

in le coque we trust

2005-03-05T08:00:00.000-08:00

greetings people! today was so much fun. me, Beast, Aisy, Morb and Nny went jamming at penin. our session didnt start until 4.15, so we walked around penin first. we saw this really disgusting shop, opposite the jam studio. it sells all those punk/metal stuffs like cuffs, collars, band tshirts and all. BUT! it also sells a dick made of wood. and some figurines of nude women. aiyaa.. like those in COF album like that lah. whats more, got some ayat Quran paste beside those stuffs, and got those Hindu god statue. ish ish.. rabak sak.. takde respect langsung seh! hahaha! me and Aisy kept laughing at it, and made silly dirty jokes out of it. hehehehe!
okay, fast forward ah k? and so we went inside. i was so malu wanna sing. or scream, rather. but anyhows, we played our very own 'grindcore'. and surprisingly, it turned out kinda nice. and i have no idea what i screamed but i know got one part i screamed "nenek kau peh laki ahhhhhh." hahaahha i know.. im so merepek. we played some nirvana, a7x.. even white stripes' 7 nation army also got. hahaha! what only JY, play drum like swimming. muahahahha! =P then me and Aisy, again, laughed like mad. did a super fast headbang to a slow song. hahaha!
ahhh cant wait to jam with them again sia!!!! we've decided to name our band Shevanel, or Le Coque or something like that. hahaha! kk.. its a crappy name. maybe we'll come up with something more hardcore than that. here's the band lineup for Shevanel:
Me - vocalsJY (beast) - guitarIlyas (nny) - bassAzizi (morb) - drumsAisyah - headbanger LOL! no lah.. she'll get in the band too.
all in all, its a great day for me, and for the rest too i hope. k so long and goodnight!

im so happy i could die

2005-02-28T06:27:00.000-08:00

greetings everyone!!!!!!

I AM ECSTATICALLY OVERJOYED NOW!!!!!!

COS I ACTUALLY PASSED MY FUCKIN O-FUCKIN-LEVELS!!!!!!!!

-runs around in circles-

i got 19 for my L1R4. my english got B3. hear that Mrs Chua??? Cambridge love my writing! you made a huge sin by failing me for my prelims!!! puki lu longgar lah!!! muahahahaha! oh oh... my Amaths did better than my Emaths. i got a B3 and a C5, respectively. Mr Raj and my tutor, Sharon was kinda puzzled about it. actually, so do i. im so weird, i know. haha! weeeeeee!! what else eh? malay A2, combined humanities C6, combined science D7.. and bio i got a wonderful F9! abeh bangge eh?? hahahahaha!

im pretty happy that fello minions, Morbid&Nny passed theirs too. Morbid got 23 while Nny got 16, for their L1R4. Aisyah is such a sweetheart, instead of doing her test paper, she prayed for us to pass. how nice. and my sadistic sister Martina got 17. am happy for you all.

i still cant believe that i got a B3 for A-fuckin-maths sial! i really thought i screwd it up. i mean, i left a hell lot of blanks. and the paper2 was extremely hard, i remembered that i felt like just stop doing the paper and throw it in the bin instead. the whole time i kept cursing the paper haha!

i guess things are going good for me lately. pass my Os, going to poly. plus, i'll be undergoing operation soon. wahhh good arh? can go poly with nice legs. no i mean, normal legs! hahaha! nothing to update regarding Zacky. Vick said i should forget him. my other friends think that way too. sigh. but it's so hard. i liked him for so long already sia. and no matter how bad the situation is, i still treat him so nice. sigh... don't know lah.. i wish there's someone out there who would love me back as much as i love him.

the adventures of morb&squee

2005-02-26T06:57:00.000-08:00

greetings fallen souls. it's been 4 days since i last update. notice the laziness in me? heh. that's part of the reason why you don't see me updating this dead blog frequently. another reason is that my life is filled with uber dullness and there's nothing that i can share to you all except grief. how tragic eh?

anyhows, went out with Morbid yesterday. i was late, as usual. heh. sorry k? we went to 2001 cos Morb Morb wanna search for Misfits shirt. then off to Inokii to browse through some cds. saw my friend/brother/music source/gig partner/adviser/far east lepak kaki.. haha im talking about Deepan. he was with Aini and Damian. cehwah... Damian wore Converge shirt. i liked it. alot. hehe. after that we walked to Heeren to check out cds at HMV. i bought Bauhaus. i realised that after returning Deepan his Bauhaus cd, i sorta.. missed it. hehe. then we went to Centrepoint to eat at our gothic sanctuary. haha! Morb makan speeding seh.. 9 pieces of nuggets in 5 minutes. =P hail Morbidio!! \m/

hmmm.. what else? oh yes.. we walked around. bought a drink at a lousy place called Healthworks. what a kental name! Morb bought ice lemon tea but the drink was veryyyy little but the ice were like mountain. scam us money sia! we sat infront of the kental shop and laughed at the seller cos the whole time he kept talking to himself. psycho! then got this so-called tv showing an old skool cartoon Tom&Jerry. missed my childhood. oh!! we saw really cute Spongebob&Patrick Starfish balloons. cute sia!!!!

then we went back to HMV cos Morb decided to buy Misfits cd. haha ape lah kau.. sebelom tu leh beli, tak nak.. selenge ah Morb Morb. after that we chilled at Cineleisure's BK. talk crap alot. that was the fun part lah, me thinks. he always make me laugh. decided to go home. walked to somerset mrt then Mithun smsed so we walked to Borders to meet him. sial lah... penat mcm giler sak asyik jalan the whole day. chill with Mithun behind Borders. not bad looking but i was shy so the whole time it's him who do the talking. nice guy, i must say.

alright..... me and Morb finally took the train home. whoa! what a wholesome day. anyhows, all in all, it wasn't that bad of a day. although it all sums up to a very achey feet. hahahaha! till the day i update again... in darkness we pissin on Good Charlotte. muahahahaha!!

A Life Untitled

2005-02-21T07:27:00.000-08:00

greetings people!! im pretty happy today!!! well it's for many reasons that im happy about.okay, here's the lowdown.

went to TTSH today to see Dr Sarbjit Singh. he isn't a 'turbanator' as i expected afterall. sigh. anyhows, we set a date for the operation. it's on the 15th of march. and i will be admitted the day before. weee im so excited, but kinda scared as well. he said there'll be a metal thingie poking outside my thigh. ouch, i know. haha. so today they took some blood of mine, did some checkup and chest xray. so people, VISIT ME IF YOU LOVE ME!! hehehe!

oh, Aisyah got a boy!! Aisyah got a boy!!! wee weeee wow weeeeeeee!!! im so happy for her to finally found herself someone who loves her. oh oh.. im goin jamming with her, along with Azizi and JY. Ilyas will try to get leave to join us jam on sunday. me and Aish will do the screamo together. weeeee!! just like My Precious. only thing is that, they're better of cos. haha!

okay that's all for now. besides, there's nothing else to update. no hot news regarding my dear Zacky. sigh. what a sad case. anyway, goodbye! i hope life will be better after the operation.

This is The Begining of The End!

2005-02-19T01:56:00.000-08:00

greetings, i went on a hardcore shopping yesterday. hmm.. lets see what i bought.. The Cure cd, eyeshadow, lipstick, a skirt and a black top. i used up all the money mummy gave me. i realised that im turning into Nicole Richie as days goes by. sheesh. now im very much ashamed of myself. haha.

hmm.. okay, what else? Martina msged me telling me that the manicurist job we applied for has a positive outcome. the manager told her to ask me if im still interested in working there. for weekdays and weekends. since i have so much free time (okay, besides having hospital visits), i wouldnt mind working there. i mean, it's easy job at a posh place. the place looked kinda 'high class' you know. oh well, i guess they dont mind hiring 2 short ugly girls. haha.

oh ya..i must see Dr Sarjit Singh on monday. aiiyaaa.. i really hope that the fuckin doctor will say something positive, unlike dumb old fuckin Dr Kasinathan. then i can get my right leg straighten, a job.. and if i cant get my ass into polytechnic, mummy said its okay. i can still apply for a course at a private college. so it'll be cool, i guess. nice legs, a job, money, nice legs, school, money, nice legs, some fuckin course, job, nice legs, private college.. and oh did i say, nice legs?? yeah, i did. nice legs.

i miss The Forgotten Minions so much. shall plan our next meeting. oh,

you are my only one

2005-02-17T15:51:00.000-08:00

greetings dear beloved ones.. mark my words.. i proudly declared that yesterday, 16th February 2005 is the happiest day of my fucked up life! =)

i mean, why the hell will it not be? i went out with my utmost dearest Zackyyyy. anyhows, i was kinda late cos the darn train, that i was supposed to board, said i could not board it as it was not for passengers. fuckkinggg systemmm!! so i told him to get the tickets first cos im gonna be late. reached Dhoby Ghaut around 5.45pm. we went to Plaza Singapura to catch the movie, Hide&Seek. it was a rather dumb movie. no suspense at all. sheesh. uber boringness. the show ended around 8.30 or so. then we went to Swensens. yippieee!! Zakir darling treated me a really awesome super yummy chocolate crunch ice cream. woo fuckin hoo!!!!! we just walked to the train station. and he gave me a nice warm hug. awww..... i still had a great time although silence came between us. haha! but that's okay, i understand you're shy. -winks-

im chatting with my 2 craphead friends now, Azizi and JY. the word 'happy meal' became a fuckin joke to us. im uber bored now. feel like going shopping with mom but it's so hot, so lazy to get my ass out of this house. bleh. im so full of excuses. okay, im off.

goodbye of you
even out of you
still I love all of you
i do yeah
in spite of you
even out of you
still I love all of you
i do well...

laa dee dumm dee dummm

2005-02-16T15:23:00.000-08:00

dammit, the weather is getting hotter each day. that annoys me. i can't even feel the aircon! pffff. stupid fuckin sun. stupid fuckin aircon. and of cos, stupid fuckin com. my com had been driving me nuts all afternoon. something is wrong with it, and God, please save it.. you know i can't live a day without it. amen!

hmm okay, Zacky just smsed me and he said he's able to meet me today!!! yay!! well, he'd planned to meet me after work, just like he promised. im excited. but at the same time im hoping that mr boncet, a.k.a his boss, won't spoil it all. i'd fuckin slit his fat tummy and stuff in maggots into his intestines, bloody setan gondol! -pants pants-

what else?? oh... Morbidio is such an awesome friend. what's more, i can share both my joy&sorrow with him. crapped alot with him yesterday. yeah, goth god am so happy with me cos i kept buying stuffs from our gothic sanctuary that he decided to match me with Zacky. you'll find yours soon. keep going to our gothic sanctuary yeah? -hugs-

my bloody valentine

2005-02-14T15:28:00.000-08:00

Fallen World is oh-so-better-than-sex

greetings peeps!! i finally went to the gig at Planet Paradigm yesterday! yay!!!! went with my usual buddies Deepan and Aini, plus my new friend Aisyah. here's a summary of yesterday's show. came in just in time to see Hamartia. they did 2 As I Lay Dying covers, which includes 94 Hours, the oh-so-better-than-sex song. heh. a band which i truly adore has to be Fallen World. they played really good grindcore shits. hmm.. what else.. Eyesore was okay, so was Minus. oh, Flesh Disgorged played oh-so-fuckin-good-gore-grind-shits. Zakir said that they don't even need lyrics to sing. haha! well yeah, sortta true. what else eh?? ahh yes.. INGROWING!!! the Czech Rep band. i give them a 2 thumbs up. fuckin awesome, i tell you. those who didn't turn up.. where did you go???? you've missed out on the good stuffs, man!! watch them play a few songs then me and Aisyah went home.. well, the show almost ended neway.

yo!! it's Hamartia people!!!

go figure out what band this is ahahhaha!

it's actually Eyesore.. but i could only capture a pic of Black haha!

Ingrowing.. can't really see, i know cos there's so many people there

moving on, it's Valentines Day today. and im here, sitting on my bum, staring at the com, doing nothing but crapping on this very dead blog of mine. my Zacky Vengeance.. when can i see you again? it's not fair that you only gave me a 1 second 'HI'. now you owe me an ice cream and a hug. i demand both cravings the day our broken souls reunite. but you were oh-so-hot-in-that-bondage-pants-i-could-fuckin-die-by-just-looking-at-you. until we meet again, my love, i will still be here.. lying in the dark, all alone, yearning for your presence, for only it will kill this emptiness inside of me.

in love with d e a t h

2005-02-11T22:02:00.000-08:00

greetings o' twisted blog readers. im very the tired now. went out with Iqah darling. we went to Far East. i bought some stuffs, which includes, Avenged Sevenfold tshirt!!! weeeeeeeee!! I KNOW YOU ARE JEALOUS OF ME, GIRL!!! =P
erm.. went down to sit. looking for Deepz but saw Patrick instead. Pat, i hope you remember me. hehe. hmm what else? oh i did nothing else. took the train home. Deepz called me while in the train. he said he saw me... aiyaa then never come down and chill with me for awhile. bleh! =P

Zakir.. Zakie.. Zacko.. aiiyaa whatever lah... Zacky Vengeance lah better haha! ahh he smsed me. told me he watched Constantine today and he didn't understand part of the show. he is so slenge hahaha! but it's okay dear.. no matter how slenge you are, i still love you regardless.. muahahahahaha!! =P lalala... oh! do you people like my art? -points to the pic above- i did it specially for my Zacky Vengeance haha! weeee!!

im definitely going for this sunday's show. all the fuckin great bands siol! it's a sin to miss it. heh. me going with Aisyah, a gig first timer. it's okay lah, at least got friend to go with. still waiting for Morbidio's reply if he's going. if not then fine.. just us two girls. ppffff!

okay lah bye.. i lazy to type in this dead blog of mine.

haters of my blog, fuck off and die!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR LADY RAVEN!!!!!!! may those people who hates you die in a horrible death so you could live in peace.... amen!

my heart is cold

2005-02-10T22:13:00.000-08:00

greetings once again, dumbfuckinwits. =)

im uber tired. went for some family outing with mom&dad and Wani's family at East Coast. very hot sia there. and alot of banglas too. ishhh!!! i should have brought a gas mask along! hmm what else? oh yah, got this malay young couple, who already have 2 kids, they kept on playing those malay jiwang songs. oh gosh!! so annoying siol!!! that really killed me instantly. seriously, that's the newfound suicide method. it's fast and effective.

im going out with Iqah darling tomorrow. yay! will go early and come home early cos well, i just don't wanna be around people too long. in case you people hadn't realise, i hate people. im an antisocial. a loner. and also, being around too many people will result in me having my anxiety attack back. fuck that bullfuckinshit.

i don't wanna talk anymore. i hate everything. i hate everyone who hates me. just fuck off and die, you bloody fuckers!!!!

to kill tomorrow

2005-02-09T16:19:00.000-08:00

greetings once again. do you like my new layout? anyway, i don't know why im feeling rather depressed today. i felt like crying. the knife is so near to me, i could just stretch my arm and reach for it. i don't feel like talking to anyone. i don't feel like doing anything. i just wanna curl up in the corner and cry till my eyes starts to swell, till i started to bleed from my sockets. like anyone would give a damn. like anyone ring me up and say "i love you, please don't do this to yourself." that's just what i've always dreamt of. all you people who has friends that care about you or has a boyfriend/girlfriend, you ought to be grateful cos you'll know at the end of the day, they are the ones who will bring a smile to your face.

im so sick of living in this routine. maybe things were meant to be like this for me. maybe it'll never get any better. i thought i have friends who, well, do care about me. but then again, it's just words. they only say they care. yeah right, like they ever showed it before. they're all plastic. plastic people living in a plastic world.

last night there was this unknown malay guy called me. his name was Hafiz, well, i don't fuckin have a friend by that name. he said he'd gotten my number from a malay female friend of mine, from my school. ERRR???? im puzzled here. i mean, i don't mix with malays in school. needless to say, them to have my number. lets be specific, im a loner, hello??? the only people from my school who has my number are JY, Clara, and of cos my friend who severed our friendship, of 4 years, last month. im not pointing fingers, but there's a possibility, you know? i asked that doink who gave him my number and he refused to reveal who she is, cos he promised her not to tell me. hello??? im the owner of the number here, i ought to know!

pffff. bitches&bastards. no lifers. why can't they just leave me alone? if you happened not to like me, then just fuckin stay away from me. i mean, by doing those dumb things will get you nowhere! where have you, lamers left your brains? you can do this to me, and when i give you back the same, you people can't handle it. go get a life lah, nimwits!

what is it with people huh? or should i say, what is it with me? what do i have that people hates me so much? what did i do wrong to you? if i've done something wrong, please let me know, and for that i give you a 1001 apologies. IM SORRY FOR RUINING YOUR LIFE! i promise i won't be the irritating bitch that haunts you for comfort. IM SORRY FOR BEING SUCH A BITCH! i know i don't belong here, and for that i give you my word that i will remove this sickening face from the surface of the earth. IM SORRY!

however far away, i will always HATE you

2005-02-07T22:48:00.000-08:00

Feb 12th 2005
The Substation Gardens
1500hours
S$6
REGENERATION!!!!!
feat. the ff bands:
4sides, voiceout, go'n amber, dearxarson, shortfuse, stateofgrace, poetic
justice, 5ocial 1ntegration, unvisual and obscure.
brought to u by the lovely fellAS of:
RECONSTRUX studio
(4th level, Peninsular ol school plaza)

that's another gig, my dear Junaidi asked me to go. i don't know if i should go. but it's a hardcore show, and fuck, i love hardcore. hmm maybe i'll ask Morbidio to go with me. but i miss my brother Deepan.. maybe i'll ask him along... but later he didn't go in again haha. Deepz, don't worry, it's an all hxc show, no ska or reggae. sorry Weird, but i just don't really like ska heh. i've just checked 'audioreload' and 27th feb got this kickass hxc fiesta or whatever they called it. got Recover (my favourite band), My Precious, Killing Satori... ahh power power.. must go lah!

anyway, here's a quick update of what happened at SGH. my doctor's name is Dr Kasinathan, he's a fuckin old man with lotsa fats stored in him, and he looks like some retired uneducated man. he immediately said he can't operate my leg just cos i suffer from osteogenesis imperfecta, that is a brittle bone disease. fuck you lah doctor! i was so upset. i cried. for a moment i thought my dreams of being normal were all shattered. my dad was fuckin pissed off and he started being vulgar towards the dumb doctor. then he called another doctor, Dr Krishnamoorthy to give an opinion about my situation. and he said "straightening the leg is possible but making it longer, i have no promises." now that cheered up me a lil. and he said there's a doctor in TTSH who's able to take my case. then i was sent to do some xrays. when the films are out, the lousy Dr Kasinathan looked at it, and i realised that way my bones bend isn't as bad as when i was younger. so now im referred to a doctor at TTSH, Dr Sarjit Singh, that's his name if im not wrong. my appointment is on the 21st feb. good arh? the faster the better.

ehhh okay, i changed my mind... i will not go for J's gig. sorry lah babe, i still love Dear Arson and all your other bands regardless, please don't hate me and please don't stop sending me songs. hahahaha! me thinks me confirm going for the 13th feb show. got Hamartia, Fallen World, Eyesore... plus, got RECOVER!!! nice nice.. plus!!!! Zakir going to it!!!! weeeeeeeeee! can see him yay! i'll pass you the prezzie then. and baby, remember to get me a prezzie too. hehehe im so bad =P

okay lah im tired already. im off. farewell and thanks for reading!

shut up and look

2005-02-06T17:15:00.000-08:00

this entry is specially for my group of depressed, yet crappy friends.

the group: The Forgotten Minions
the members: Squee, Nny, Morbid, Weird, Spawn + new recruits - Beast&Mental
established since 29th January 2005. hates matreps&vondutch whores. respects Ronald Macdonald. believes that darkness coats us all. sadistic&sarcastic.

pics:

the shoes of the Forgotten Minions

Squee&Weird

that's Nny without any eyes

Morbid&Weird

from left: Nny without a face, Morbid trying to act innocent, and Spawn staring at the holy ghost

*** Beast&Mental are not in any pics because they had joined just recently. ***

[!WARNING!] we may look rather harmless but be weary of us. you dare spit shits at us, be prepared to have a dozen knives in your mouth.

+ more pics of FM coming up when darkness calls upon our fallen souls.

p/s: any enquiries just contact the princess of darkness, Squee. do join us, but no 'happy happy joy joy' fucktards allowed. and of cos, batteries not included.

hackers should be shot in the head

2005-02-06T15:39:00.000-08:00

my day started out rather annoyingly, cos my email got hacked again for the 3rd fuckin time!!!! fuck you, hackers!! i hope that you'll choked on 9 inch dick coated with barbed wire and soaked in acid while giving a blow job!!!!!!!!!!! -breathe in deeply- sorry about the harsh, and rather explicit, comments i gave just now. was really upset to the point that i just wanna stuck my head in the toilet bowl and enjoy the flushing act. with hopes that my brain will get all squashed like some orange juice. well, if i ever had a brain, that is.

puke up and down in morbid faith

2005-02-03T23:14:00.000-08:00

greetings to all!!!! this blog seems so dead. just like me. im like the so-called living dead girl. i don't know for whatever reason am i still breathing in this horrendous air. i really got no motivation or whatsoever to live on. i hate this world even more every single day that passes by.

a quick update for today. went to Faber House again, cos the man called me to come. this time, alone. i don't really like the job. it's like, you will only get paid if you can get at least 2 clients for the week. bleh. im not up for such a dumb job. anyhows, waited for Morbid after the interview. he was from work. poor thing, come all the way down for me. aww..... -sobs- so nice of you, Morbidio. heh. then we head down to peninsula. bought myself an extra cool bullet-like belt and Misfits tshirt. weeeeeee!! after that we went to Funan and chill at the kfc/taco/pizza hut. that was fun. we ended up talking crap... like erm... Barney the horny dino is the mats' idol, FM's idol is Ronald Macdonald and KFC's Colonel Sanders is the idol for those emo kids cos of the glasses he wear. hahahaha!

oh, tomorrow im going TTSH for a checkup. yeah, preparation for my operation. weeeeeeee!! as what i told FM just now, as soon as im recovered, the first thing i want from my dad is a pair of boots. during my deathrock days, i never had a chance to feel what it's like to wear boots. ive always envy those who own a pair. there were so many shoes that i couldn't wear. boots... high heels... sigh..

last but not least.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZAKIR, MY DEAR BOO BOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mood: indescrible
Music: HIM - and love said no

job hunting wear me out

2005-02-01T23:50:00.000-08:00

went for a few job interviews this afternoon with Martina. we first went for the manicurist job interview at centerpoint's macdonalds. i know it's so weird to have an interview there. then we bought newspaper, sat while eating ice cream, trying to find a job. oh, the ice cream is soooo yummy haha! off we went to search for faber house. it was so loser of us. we spent like 30 minutes or whatnot finding that fuckin building, and that building.. we passed it like many times? sheesh. anyhows, we applied for that job. and the irritating indian guy kept, well, 'haunting' us haha. we're hoping to get that job. following that, we're off to raffles city for another job interview, at coffee club. we were so, well, gong gong haha. the lady just gave us the forms to fill, when we were done, Martina returned it back to her and she didn't say anything. like whether she wanna talk to us or we can leave already. what a snobbish lady! bleh!

going for another job interview tomorrow. with Martina again. gonna apply for that young writers job. after that going for swensen job interview at funan, as introduced by Iqah. oh, Morbid is coming along. so it'll be cool.

im tired now. imma hit the sack. must dress up formally tomorrow, just for the hell of it haha!

farewell.
in darkness we trust.

Mood: tired
Music: the cure - love song

no more breath left inside

2005-02-01T14:56:00.000-08:00

greetings, beloved readers. im currently desperate for a job. been searching for it in the papers since morning. there's a job vacant as a manicurist haha sounds like a fun job aye? erm.. and there's a hell lot of job vacant for sales assistants. but they are too stupid to even mention what kinda shops are they and where it is located. pfff! well, working is way better than being broke and steal, and getting caught by perverted man at some retarded shop with a retarded name. right, Martina? i will never forget that incident haha. it was so loser of us. anywho, we're going for job hunting this friday after she return from school.
pray for us that we'll get a job. soon. and hopefully we won't pass glory music, or any other shops with perverted men working in it.

we are the nobodies

2005-01-30T16:01:00.000-08:00

greetings, once again o' fallen souls. Squee had rise from her deep sleep, and she will purge her remaining miserable life here and dwell on it till the great angel of death decided to take away her soul. haha my english so fuckin crappy sia. nak step Anne Rice je.

clockwise: Squee, Morbid, Weird, Spawn and Nny. The Forgotten Minions unite!!!

anyhows, yesterday was load of fun! finally met The Forgotten Minions. in case all you people had just recovered from amnesia, The Forgotten Minions consists of me (Squee), Izfa (Weird), Azizi (Morbid), Farhan (Spawn) and Ilyas (Nny). as i was saying, met them at orchard mrt station then walked to far east to meet up with Spawn. and oh.. Spawn and Nny are actually related! ape dah.. sedare sendiri pon tak kenal. saw my dearest Deepan, he was getting a present for his mom, if im not wrong. then we decided to go Cheeks cos Spawn wanna get a new band tshirt. umm.. he bought Metallica shirt. walked out, saw Deepan again, along with Aini. after that we went to Inokii. ahhh long time never go there liao. i think the cd guy missed me liao. hehehehe perasan sak squee. i bought Converge's You Fail Me, Morbid bought Atreyu's Suicide Notes And Butterfly Kisses, and Nny bought HIM's And Love Said No.

anyway, we then took the train and headed down to City Hall. bought some food and drinks, and off we went to Esplanade to chill at riverside. now that part was fun. the whole time Morbid and Nny was so quiet, only Spawn made an effort to talk to us girls. since they didn't speak to us, we made them our victims for bullying haha. Weird took on Morbid, by pinching his cheeks, while i took on Nny, by poking him from behind. hehehe! moving on, we took loads of pictures and laughing is like a must.

all in all it was a great day. though didn't get to see Zakie cos he was late. well, you're forever late lah. but i still heart you regardless, my dear boo boo. maybe The Forgotten Minions will meet again soon. and of cos, take more pictures haha!

till then..

farewell o' dark ones.

in darkness we trust.

Fariza the punk goth is BACKKKK!!!

2005-01-29T21:26:00.000-08:00

Punk Goth

What Kind of Goth Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

countdown!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-01-29T12:25:00.000-08:00

The Forgotten Minions shall meet in 2hr 5 mins!!!

like..... OH MY FUCKIN GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im nervous wreck here now sia... my heart is beating so fast and my hands are turning cold..

plus, Zakie said maybe he'll see me later......

wooopieee woooo hoooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

no no.. im scared. extremely nervous. my veins are numbing. my heart is exploding. my head is spinning. well, cos i couldn't sleep the whole of last night and i had to wake up so fuckin early for that computer guy! nyehhhhh!!!!

ahh fuck!!!

i'll blog again later to tell you the whole experience.

BYE!!!

the passion of lovers is for death

2005-01-27T00:32:00.000-08:00

greetings once again. pardon me for being so lazy to blog. but really.. i have nothing much to say here. if i talk about my problems, my irritating depression, you may get, like, bored. you may think i whine alot. plus, nothing exciting has been going on in my life. it's pointless to bitch at something that, well, don't even exist. heh.. iono what im crapping... but heck..

anyway, i went out with my mom today. only to be depressed and moody all the way. it's not that i don't like going out with my mom. but you see, i hardly have much friends who ask me out, and seeing other teens of my age hanging out with their friends made me feel so jealous. sigh. oh well, im going out with The Forgotten Minions on saturday. i hope it'll be fun. i hope i won't return home, crying or slashing my wrist.

moving on, i saw my most dearest friend who disappeared after our first meeting. guess who's that... if you said Asri, then you are absolutely right!!! wooopiee wooo hooo!!! you've just won a million dollars!! haha sorry, im crapping. -rewind- my first meeting with Asri was wayyy back in november '04 with Deepan, Aini and their friends at Liat Towers' BK. as what Aini called him, 'the weird guy'. well yeah, he is weird. damn weird. weirder than Spawn. haha no offence hun, your weirdness is cool, but his weirdness is, well, weird. anywho, Asri was working and when i took the escalator to the 2nd floor, i noticed a guy smiling at me, trying to look at me but kinda embarrassed to do so. err.. you get what i mean? heh.

fuck, HE is online now. and i got no guts to talk to him. no no, actually i do have the guts. but i scared he will probably give me the monotonous answer. sigh.

Mood: confused/depressed
Music: metallica - nothing else matters

join me in death

2005-01-24T22:41:00.000-08:00

greetings all. i finally met my primary school friend, Iqah. took some pictures. neoprints. gosh, i can't believe i took it. as you all know, i seriously think that neoprints are a waste of money. hence, im not a fan of it. although i love taking pictures. bleh. well, we did take some pics with her digicam. so yeah, it's cool. hmm.. i tend not to elaborate more on this.

anyway, here's an update of what happened yesterday and today. me, Nny, Morbid and Spawn had a really awesome time chatting online. kept laughing the whole conversation. we talked like as if we've known each other for ages but in actual fact we don't. today, in the afternoon, we had a rather different atmosphere while chatting. more emotional. filled with lots of dead flowers and hugs. i am actually glad to have known them. it's not easy to find people who think so alike and gather them all together. hoping to see them one day. just hope they won't turn their backs on me. sigh. i don't even wanna think about it.

im gonna go back chatting with them. we're thinking of meeting each other. plus, Izfa will be there. so i won't be the only girl there. haha. okay... byeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

Mood: tired
Music: between the buried and me - mordecai

i'm forever dirt

2005-01-22T00:08:00.000-08:00

holy fuckin shit, i totally hate hari raya. Wani couldn't come today cos she had to work and im left in my granny's place alone. yes, ALONE. but it's a lil better today cos boya and jepon didn't turn up. okay, it's the second time jepon didn't turn up at granny's place. hmmm something's fishy... but like i give 2 fucks about her anyway. she had never treated me, or Wani, like a cousin. so does boya. oh oh, that jepon's little sister is sooooooo arrogant. didn't even wanna salam me. she saw my hand about to salam her but she just walked away. wahhh fuckin rude sial!!!! hello??? i demand respect here cos im older than you, in case your memory lapsed cos you're too busy putting on makeup. aiiyaaa... i hate my family lah... i envy those families who are very close, have outings together, etc. anyway, i ended up talking to mommy, my aunt (Wani's mom) and my granny. anyway, mommy and aunty planned to go for an outing on the 2nd day of chinese new year, plus, it's her birthday on that day, so we thought it'll be cool to have it at the beach or something.

seriously sia... everytime hari raya, im sure to be sitting there by myself, listening to my discman. i hate looking at the faces of those vainpots. i felt like puking all over them. haha i bet if i really did puke on them, they'll probably go "omg!! eeeeeeewwwwwww!!! you are so gross!!! eeeeewwww!! omg!!! my makeup is covered with puke!!!! omgggggg mommy!!!!!!!!!!!" muahahahhaha! im so evil.

oh Morbid (Azizi) is sending me A7X's live show. weeeeeee!!! he introduced me to his friends, well, they happened to listen to A7X as well. so it's cool. but it'll be better if Nny (Ilyas) is online. him, Morbid and Squee (me) are the so-called dysfunctional family who loves A7X like craaazyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!! haha!

okay, im very tired. gonna wait till the video finish downloading then imma hit the sack. farewell, my dear readers.

blood on our hands

2005-01-20T18:34:00.000-08:00

greetings once again, fellow miserable dark ones...

tomorrow is hari raya haji. my dear cousin Wani, please come to granny's house lah besok. si boya and si jepon tu mane nak bobual dengan aku seh. smua step mane nyer bagus je.

anyway, i woke up around 1 today haha! haven't eat my lunch yet. wtf squee, it's 6 in the evening now, almost dinner time. i spent the whole afternoon rotting in front of the computer and finding songs to listen to. hmm lets see what i've downloaded today.... between the buried and me, darkest hour, blood splashed brides, the chariot, my chemical romance, coheed and cambria, a few songs from death from above (courtesy of Junaidi) and Sham sent me a few glassjaw's songs. haha don't know why im so addicted to glassjaw lately. oohhhh Daryl Palumbo... -drools- aiiyyaa why they split up sia?????!!! pantat lah!!!!

-sniff sniff- heh i can smell mommy's extra good rendang from here. now im really the very hungry. -sigh- i've been eating alot lately. damn pms! ha! oh im saving money to buy converge's album. i really need a converge's album so i can just blast it extra fuckin loud when im fuckin pissed. it really makes me feel better. and ohhh.. did i mention head automatica is good? no no, make that very good. haha. all thanks to my music source Junaidi Kusnong. hails! haha he's good, i mean, he knows lotsa bands. ranging from punkrock to indie to hardcore. yeah whatever, he's goooooodddd.

im chatting with Iqah darling now. heh. she's planning on going for a job interview. and since im extra free, i decided to accompany her. boring lah dok rumah. hmm.. i don't know if i should for any of those poly open house cos i don't even think i can get into one. bleh.

Mood: deathly bored
Music: darkest hour - the sadist nation

baby, is this love for real?

2005-01-19T17:52:00.000-08:00

greetings, my beloved readers. im kinda in an unexplainable morass right now. have you ever loved someone although you know you could ~~never~~ have him? have you ever wanted to tell him how you feel for him but you're too afraid of rejection? have you ever let him go just cos your friend is interested in him as well?

aiiyooooo... i hate this feeling. i don't like to fall in love. i hate the thought of love anyway. i mean, it's so complicated. and as all of you probably know by now, i don't like complicated stuffs. complications may lead to heartache. and no, i do not like heartaches either. i mean, who does? aiiyaaaa... how i wish im pretty, or hot or at least pleasant to look at. im so ugly. i hate looking into the mirror. im like... errr... fat?? that's why i hate eating nowadays. but at the same time i don't wanna go back to my bulimic days. hmm... i wish i could be pretty, even if it's just for one day. i wanna know what it feels like.

fuck, i hate having low self-esteem. i feel inferior to myself. im so sick of being afraid of everything. so tired of thinking noone cares for me. last night, i almost tried to cut myself again. on the brink of attempting suicide. but thank heavens i didn't. all thanks to my very dearest sister Martina. this was what she said to me that actually made me stop and think ~~(and cry)~~ for a moment:

"...just know that i love you and never will forget you"

thank you so much, girl. i love you too. perhaps im not always there for you or i do not know how to express my gratitude to you all these while, just know when you feel so alone and noone is there for you, someone somewhere is constantly thinking of you. and that is me. we will always be the sadistic sisters. now till eternity. fuck others and just live our already fucked up lives. heh.

farewell all, i will blog again soon, and no i won't kill myself again haha.
in darkness we trust.

Mood: im better today, thank you
Music: head automatica - beating heart baby

i use my slit wrist to sign my name with

2005-01-18T15:32:00.000-08:00

greetings once again. my day has just begun. haha i know it's late afternoon now. oh well, i couldn't sleep the whole of last night. depression hit me real hard in the face yesterday. one moment i was talking to Junaidi online, about how most of my friends had walked away from me and i ~~don't~~ really care much about it, and the next second i was on the floor, crying. actually, i do care. it fuckin did affect me. i lied to everyone saying that i'm a strong person, that i can deal with the fact that my friends had ditched me. honest to God, i couldn't deal with it. it's fuckin painful. the pain is so great that my whole petite self is paralyzed by despair. plus, i'm living under the same roof with my brother. a brother whom i hadn't talk to for the past 5 months. i miss talking to him. i miss the way he would pinch my cheeks each time i made him laugh. but it serves me right that we're no longer on talking terms. i never cared about what i said. everything that i blurted out were all curt. maybe he's right, i am a selfish hypocrite afterall. well, brother, i'm so sorry if i ever did hurt your feelings. all these while, i guess, i'm just jealous of you. you have a really good band, you're in a good course in poly, you can go out whenever you want without any curfews. you have so many friends who love you.

and me...

i have none of those that you have. but honest to God, i do care about you, sometimes jealousy had blinded me in the eyes. you will always be my brother, even if you hate me a hell lot. it had always been me who bring shame to the family. me who always say the wrong things at the wrong time. i was, still am and will always be the bad one in the family. the lazy self-indulgent little girl who is difficult to everyone.

-fast forward- okay, sorry about the emo writings above. i'm totally ashamed of my doings. what was i thinking? is that all i ever think of? myself? it's all because of my selfishness that everyone walked away from me. my friends... i guess, i'm dead for them. my brother.... and everyone else who hates me.... i'm dead to them as well. so i assume it won't make a difference afterall if i were to ~~dis~~appear tonight. noone will care what happens to me. noone had. noone have been. noone ever will.

Mood: suicidal
Music: marilyn manson - the nobodies

i wasn't born with enough middle fingers

2005-01-17T23:08:00.000-08:00

greetings once again o' avid readers of my blog. well, if i ever had one that is. anyway, was kinda moody the whole day. it's either i just lie on my bed, in my room, blasting really loud to As I Lay Dying. or i park my ass in front of the tv, watching Marilyn Manson dvd repeatedly, although my mom thinks he is rather gross to look at. but do you think i give a shit what others would think? no way in hell! noone can tell me what to do or what not to, what to like or what not to, what to say or what not to. im 17 in case you hadn't notice.

the whole day is filled with me thinking about how horrible this world is and how great it would be if i ever were to disappear from here. i guess, my disappearance will not make any difference. don't tell me that you care, just cos you think it's the right thing to say, due to the tragic situation. a random girl is talking to me online about how she's gonna celebrate Valentine's Day with her boyfriend. and all i ever did say was "oh i see" and "cool". notice my monotonous response? i seriously can't be bothered to know. you can fuckin kill yourselves on V Day and i still don't give a shit. i mean, it's your life, do whatever you want to do with it. you choose your own destiny.

you know what's my dream Valentine's Day? having a boyfriend. oopps, pardon me, make that a broken, depressed boyfriend. sitting by the graveyard. all bloodied. rose petals all over. just waiting for the angel of death to take away our fractured souls.

but then again, who would wanna date me? i'm stupid, ugly, small and extremely boring. i do nothing but drown in self-pity. i love nothing but the smell of death. i care about nothing but myself. selfish annoying 17 year old bitch who possessed the most hatred that any person could possibly have. i can understand why most of my friends walked away from me, i mean, i'm a suicidal girl. noone likes to be around someone who only good at whining and contemplating self's death. it is, somewhat, like a turnoff. if i were any one of them, them as in referring to my friends who ditched me, i would fuckin run away from me as well.

farewell humanity.
in darkness we trust.
in death find peace.

Mood: depressed
Music: death from above - turn it out

hello, is it me you're looking for?

2005-01-14T16:06:00.000-08:00

BOOOOOO!!!!! ooopps did i scare you? haha. lalala... i couldnt sleep again last night. so i ended up listening to Die Die My Darling on repeat, while replying to Zakie's messages, until my handphone died. AMEN.

NYP sent me this invitation to their open house, and also a booklet that features all the courses they offers. im kinda interested in Digital Media Design and Multimedia & Infocomm Technology. aiyoo really chim lah the names haha. but then again, after recalling how i performed for my Os, my heart sortta sank. no faith that i can make it. and so my dreams of entering NYP died. AMEN.

i was browsing through vampirefreaks yesterday when i came across this one, hot Italian guy named Raffaele. what actually attracted my attention, besides the fact that he's hot, was that he looks somewhat like my dearest friend Izad. serious. his dressings, his hair, his built. everything sia haha. here's a pic of Izad and, well, Italian version of Izad, Raffaele. hehehehe.

Izad

Raffaele

oh well, im going out in a while. hopefully a car will run me over while i was walking towards the
train station. AMEN. or maybe a deathrocker/goth punk hottie will come by and ask for my number. whoa! that will be extra cool. we could fuckin lepak at the cemetary and plan for our deaths together. im just so sick of living already. i wish i could just slip away in the bleak of the night. AMEN.

Mood: indescrible
Music: bauhaus - bela lugosi's dead

fall into the darkness into the night

2005-01-13T05:22:00.000-08:00

greetings once again. i woke up today to the sound of my handphone beeping. it was Nny who messaged me, telling me about the 'anti goth' at his workplace who's giving him a hard time. i seriously recommend him to chop off anti goth's 1 foot dick, dunk it in a blender and force him to drink it. hmmm.. that sounds absolutely ghastly. Nny and Squee's very own Fear Factor. see how sick humans are? they would do anything for money, even if it means u gotta eat maggots! yucks!

anyhows, i've been listening to lotsa industrial music lately. getting addicted to Velvet Acid Christ. hmm what else have i been listening to? oh, a shitload of deathrock bands. the first time i listen to deathrock was in 2002. bands like Antiworld, Tragic Black, Penis Flytrap (haha i know it's a funny name) are fuckin good. i almost became a deathrocker. i think around middle of 2003, there was this little girl (she was 13 and i was 16) telling me that im a poser cos i listen to deathrock and at the same time i listen to punk. i didnt shout 'fuck u' to her or anything, i just said "ur still young to know all these, before u say im a poser, go do ur research first alright?"

i remember having a mohawk or some weird hairdo and wearing some old tattered and torn black top and fuckin tight black pants and dark makeup. hoho. not many people knew that. except my ex boyfriend, cos he too would dress like that, heh. deathrock will always flow in my blood and never will i shove it aside.

oh, i was browsing through vampirefreaks just now. and guess who i saw? a member of Eighteen Visions. haha i was like "what the hell is he doing here? oh wait, wait, is that really him??" damn, they really should come to Singapore and do a show. Singapore is such a retarded country. laa dee daa... im feeling a lil sick. eh, i've always been sick haha. oh oh oh... im gonna watch Manson dvd now. tata! okay, that sounds gay.

farewell humanity.
in darkness we trust.
in minahs we kill. ooops sorry Nny, i stole ur quote. hehe.

Mood: fucking bored lah dey
Music: tragic black - nachtschleichen

broken this fragile thing now

2005-01-12T09:43:00.000-08:00

have u ever feel so alone although theres so many people around u? have u ever feel misplaced in an unknown place? have u ever feel so cold though the sun is smouldering the earth's surface? have u ever feel like crying when u actually smiling and cracking jokes with others? have u ever feel unneeded till u think that noone will notice if u were to disappearce? have u ever loved someone so much that it hurts? and have u ever wanted to be somebody else so badly cos u think ur fuckin worthless?

well, i have, people, i have.

its definitely not fun to be in that position when all u wanted to do and actually ever did was to crumble and fall apart, thinking that someone will come and catch u. hoping that the life u're leading is all a lie. wishing that everything will be alright once u wake up to another brand new day.

alright, enough of my stupid, and extremely embarrassing, emo thoughts. heres for what i did
for the whole day. stayed home,biase lah eh? erm, watch tv, eat fattening snacks, smsing random people and erm, erm, singing out loud Yellowcard's Only One. hahaha i know. oops now everyone knows this lil girl is very the emo. but who would want such a loser like me, yeah? so i guess i can only sing it to... erm.. myself? hehehehe kau dah giler agaknye lah, fariza.

hmm.. what else? oh i wanna go lepak at a cemetary. can prepare for my burial ceremony. heh. -sings- u are my only, my only one.... hehehehehe! okok, i shall not start. i'll blog again later.

farewell.
in darkness we trust.

Mood: emo? heh go ahead laugh at me
Music: yellowcard - only one

lets start over

2005-01-11T14:23:00.000-08:00

im finally done with my blog layout. tada! what do u think? like it? plus, ive added my ugly pic there, cos people had been asking me to put one up. so yeah, i hope all of u wont puke and close the window of my blog. hoho. well, its kind of a simple layout. and its black. so yay! i LOVE black.

moving on, whats been happening in my life isnt really that interesting. one thing tho, i hadnt been crying myself to sleep like what i used to do. so i guess its good ya? hmm.. next week is hari raya haji already sia.... time flies really fast. so that means, i get to see my cousin soon. woopie woo!!! erm, maybe i'll hang out with her some time. never hang out with her before. siak je squee, cousin sendiri pon tak ajak kluar.

oh did i tell u im off meds now? heh yay for me! plus, i stayed away from cutting for quite some time now. hmm.. so far 2005 has been good. okay, not really. ive lost another friend. but seriously, im not sad about it. she said i only come to her to vent my anger and sorrow. but hey, so did she. she had never made an effort to catch up on me during school holidays. its always me who fuckin IM her online. its always me asking her if she wanna go hang out or shopping with me. but of cos, she always turned me down. maybe its b.c. im such a boring friend and that her boyfriend is wayyyyyy cooooool and can satisfy her in every way. and i do mean, every wayand with every inch of his manhood. i hope ur happy with the state ur in. and hopefully, u'll find some other friend who's able to treat u better than me. im a bad friend neway, so stay away from. delete me from ur memory. pretend that im of non-existent. actually, u already did that around a few months before school ended.

the only person who is willing to hang out with me, and never turn me down, is Deepan. and for that, thank u soooo much for being there for me all these while. oh, im gonna express my gratitude to those who've always been so nice to me although i whine alot and kept on dissing humanity. again, Deepan, Martina and of cos, Jian Yong, how can i ever repay u for what u've done for me, i will always be here for u brother.

i got so many free time and its so, erm, boring. i wanna go out but i choose not to cos its for sure i'll buy something. but how can i buy something when i aint got any money? heh. hmm.. what else... ahh Zakir owe me chocolate ice cream! i will keep on pestering u for it hehehe.

erm, i guess thats about it. i'll update again soon.

farewell.
in darkness we trust.
in mats we hate. ngahahaha!

Mood: bored
Music: crimson spectre - ode to jesus colon

D Cookies are YUM <3

2005-01-09T23:21:00.000-08:00

greetings once again. i just came back from the show Junaidi asked me to go to. i went with Damian, Deepan and Aini. but in the end, only Damian and i went in. anywho, Junaidi's band, D Cookies kickass. they were good. and he played like, erm, well, nobody's business haha. hmm what else? oh, Recover was awesome. and so was The Wall Between. waited for Dyna Turmoil and Misconducts to come on but it was getting late so we went off. all in all, it was a horrible show. seriously. too many ska and reggae bands. not that im anti ska and reggae. but too many of it can really be annoying. not my type. i like those loud and fast. oh Junaidi told me Dyna Turmoil covered songs by The Bled and Caliban!!!!!!! damn u regGAY bands for making us leave so soon!!!!!! i mean, there was this reggae band got to play another extra song, cos the organisers allowed them to. after that it was The Wall Between, but when they were about to do a cover of Poison The Well's song, organisers cut them off. bloody hell!!!!!!!
oh well, so much for today's show. im excited for the show on february. a gore grind band from Czech Republic are coming down. HOHO. there'll be a lot of grind bands. and only one metalcore band, which is Hamartia. heh. maybe going with Deepan again. urgh. im so tired now. i need a rest. gonna wake up tomorrow and watch The Cure and Manson dvds that Deepan loaned me. heh gracias! alright, imma hit the sack now.
farewell humanity.
in darkness we trust.

pics of D Cookies. Junaidi is on the far right, playing his red guitar and sweating like a pig lol.

Mood:all tingled up
Music:Fallen World

holla!

2005-01-07T13:37:00.000-08:00

greetings, this is my first entry here, so pardon me if you find me, somewhat, rather annoying.
anyhows, i`m just gonna update on what has been happening for the past few days.my friend of 4 years severed our friendship. well, she chose her boyfriend over friend. which is a sad case. but hey, don`t come running to me when that ass dumps you. i don`t take back the 'thing' that i`ve thrown away. oh Junaidi wanted me to come for his show this sunday. heh. i would love to see D Cookies (his band) play. maybe Deepan will accompany me there. plus, there`s a hell lot of awesome bands playing for the show. erm, like DYNA TURMOIL!!!!!!!! hahaha! now i`m all excited.
erm.. oh, i`m no longer using friendster 'cause someone hacked my account. even my blog and email were hacked. but i got back my email so it`s cool. if i know who the shithead is, i swear i`ll make his/her life a living hell. no more miss nice girl. haha. alright, i`m off, the construction of the road outside my home is driving me nuts. i can hardly sleep. bleh!
farewell.
in darkness we trust.

Mood:lonely
Music:unholy confessions